Freedom in the Apron

I’ve formally given my resignation. This decision has been in the making since January so please applause! It’s taken so long because I was put on several projects I wanted to faithfully complete. I never expected this experience to take 6 months.

The art of domesticity is in how you wear the apron, girls.

I’ll be refocusing and digesting all that I learned at this job and there’s a lot of greatness that will come from it. I chose to cease writing a novel for NaNoWriMo in November when this opportunity came and questioned if I was doing the right thing but I followed my gut feeling even though blind. It was the best decision for extended growth and wow have my eyes opened to allow for that! I learned so much about the function of the military, as in the philosophy of propaganda, that I had to make a choice: shut up and stay or feel the breath of freedom and leave. Once the stress of military politics began to affect my health, the decision became easy.

I am deeply grateful to the men and women who chose to endure the ups and downs of military life. It’s a greater sacrifice than the average person will ever understand and to best express this point, the very people who fight for freedoms have the least freedom of their own. It’s an odd reality for my immigrant-to-American mind. I don’t want to be a part of a system which demands subordination and I don’t have to be. This is a great American freedom to not take for granted… And I don’t.

I look forward to blogging more frequently while connecting back to my audience and the domestic art of caring for my home, my kids and family, my soul and my creative inner artist. I have waaaay too many blank canvases in my studio and waaaay too many dust bunnies I haven’t gotten to clearing. I’m totally cool with going back to the apron and domesticity. It’s how you wear the apron that makes the difference… And, no one ever said I gotta be barefoot to do it ( I have to wear-in those new hot red Chie Mihara shoes sometime).

 

*shortlink for this post: http://wp.me/p3f9L-1JX

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Published: Condom education in the military

…if you’re going to spread the fruits of your genital love, be smart about it.

February 14th, 2013 one of the military publications I read, The Herald Union, printed a half page article on sexual responsiblity (page 15) and health through the use of condoms. I was floored! Like, holy cow wow, really? I’d never see this in the American South because of the region’s ultra conservative perspectives about sex. (and yet I’m moving back so go figure) I’m thrilled that the military took steps in educating (and/or reminding) soldiers about condoms. Sure, the men and women who serve our country probably already know about condoms but like good manners, a reminder doesn’t hurt.  It’s just smart and why be anything less when you don’t have to be?

Below is a photo of the comment I made which made it into print! (page 2) I’m a bit ear to ear smiles on it and very grateful the editor choose to publish it along with an opposing comment. These two different perspectives on the same topic are as diverse as can be.  Yet, I feel it’s important to stress that Planned Parenthood is not – and I repeat “is not”- an abortion clinic but a place women go to plan their parenthood options - opposed to just getting knocked up and claiming God wanted them to have babies. Pregnancy must be created more responsibly than that.

Planned parenthood also provides basic healthcare to women who cannot afford it.  If they cannot afford to care for their own healthcare, how are they going to afford the cost of parenthood?  Planned parenthood shouldn’t even be considered a “controversial organization” as healthcare for women shouldn’t sit on a controversial throne!  Try the banks, Congress, auto industry, pharmecutical companies, and the producers of chemicals which go into our foods.  Now those are are controversial organizations, not Planned Parenthood.  Take a look at the extensive services PP offers, including a section on men’s sexual health. That’s excellent and deserves extra noting.

I, of course, did an oversell on the article’s positivity. This is because 1) I mean every word and 2) if you’re going to spread the fruits of your genital love, be smart about it. If you’re going to be chaste, keep the condom education out of your life but not out of the lives of men and women who serve our country in order that anyone may enjoy the freedom to state an uneducated opinion and create controversy where none logically need not be.

Be smart and use condoms. Be smarter and use other forms of birth control with it.  Then have great sex and enjoy.

The link to Herald Union is in the text.

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Photo: Shakespeare on love

“Cupid Blind”

Love looks not with the eyes,

but with the mind, And therefore

is winged Cupid painted blind. ~ William Shakespeare

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Books: The Art Cure Diaries

After considerable thought, I’ve decided to make the Ipad ebook format of “The Art Cure Diaries” free for anyone to enjoy.  The same applies to the Kindle/Ebook formats I’m working on completing for you.

You can also choose to purchase a print copy or, if you don’t have an Ipad and want to view it, it is available in its entirety also for free.

Enjoy and pass it on!

~ Tatiana

(*shortlink to post: http://wp.me/p3f9L-1DQ)

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Writing: Oh fine. I quit quitting.

Fine. Fine. Fine. I’ll keep writing.

I just can’t keep writing the novel. I reached the place where I couldn’t handle the emotional level the story took and, as a writer I’ve not experienced this before. Not this strong anyway and I tried to just change the direction but the story itself is possessed by a creative force I don’t feel full control over. It’s like as soon as I began it said, “NO.” I attempted to push through the difficulty of continuing the writing process but my mind went blank. I mean like stark white nothing there blank. Overall, I’ve been unable to progress the storyline of the novel since day 4, though believe me I have tried.

I’m taking this “failure” and spinning it positive this way: the holidays are coming and I’ve got three awesome kiddies my husband and I need to tend to who are more important and thus writing can wait. It may be a super co-out justification – you know, “I choose family over writing a book” – but in the scope of it all, I do.

In all that I have to say, to express, to emulate, to pour out from my soul, none of it has a damn bit of importance if in the end my children don’t walk away into the real world without great memories of home and family. Last year our holidays were dampened by expat-transition difficulties. My oldest has only four more Christmas seasons before she’s a legal adult. Writing a novel can wait, I realize. I want to enjoy this holiday season and I need more time for the family, the domestic stuff, the Mrs. Santa workings which need that extra time I’m devoting to writing something which has left me so unexpectedly. Rather than pout, I’ve started watching Christmas movies with my 6 y/o.

With writing for Nanowrimo, I’ve also been making home made family album books for Christmas gifts to give out, each with about 600+ photos (what do you expect when you marry two photographers together and give them three kids, Europe and digital cameras?!) As I work on them sparingly through the day i think, what the hell am I doing focusing on writing when it’s not really a project that is filling my soul with happiness. It is silly to continue.

I’ve been rushing through the photos and album layouts “just to get them done”. Last year I savored the process and there was a lot of joy in it and the final outcome was awesome so, such is that. I’m having fun working on the family album and I’m dealing with stress writing. There is a no-brainer here: family over novel writing.

I will, however, continue to write more than laundry lists. So, I’m not quitting. I’m choosing a different road.

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In conclusion

I’m thinking of quitting writing completely.

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Writing: Finding time to write

I can’t believe how easy it has been to keep the commitment.  This isn’t good.  I have to work on the content at this point.

Day five and I’ve managed 2253 w/c and a lot just flowed out, even some of my directions began to take more specific form.  I’ve been stuck for days feeling like I was writing senseless conversations but I feel I finally pulled it together.

When  I wrote my post yesterday I realized the reason it wasn’t working through the weekend was because I just can’t concentrate on my own work with family around anymore.  This used to be fine when I had one child but now that I have three my concentration level just isn’t able to spring back from kids being kids indoors on a rainy weekend.  I didn’t think about November weekends in Germany (wet, wet, cold, wet) and so after 14 years of motherhood I decided to give up that battle of thinking weekends might have enough time for me.

I’ll write Monday thru Friday when the kids are in school and adjust my word count accordingly.  Simple solution.

NaNoWriMo Total word count: 9,241.

Awesome. The first week hasn’t even ended yet.  I wish I could so easily add words onto paper the way I can so easily add a zero after that nine!

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Writing: 7000 w/c

Four days in and the weekends about killed my enthusiasm and since I’m going for optimistic I’m keeping shut. Working around family is tough. I found time to write but content wise, it’s hard to consider it valuable at all yet that was the point, the commitment more than content ( that’s harder to accept btw than its opposite).

I’m about 20 words shy of 7000 for four days. The bits add up so I’m moving along. I don’t even feel like I really even started yet, like I’m still figuring how to put it together, you know, the story and characters and such. I don’t outline fiction but I’m keeping faith to the process like I do my art. I’m having a bit of a struggle letting go though. Rusty author mind.

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Writing: Oh the efforts for day one

So, I had a bit of a comedy act this morning which went well along with my anxiety-fear mode of going through some of my NaNoWriMo plans because this wasn’t – today at least – so much about writing opposed to actually playing this make believe part of writer – my version anyway. Well, it ended with my noticing I had been strutting the streets with my jeans zipper undone and began with my super cool detachable keyboard being uncharged once I arrived at my destination. I charged the Ipad but forgot the keyboard. Ugh. Oh, wait! Miracle: there is an on button besides the bluetooth connection. Luck, determination, drive, I don’t know what made me try that other button but alas, it worked and I was committed for sure.

I sat in the cafe after about 2 hours of unexpected delays from phone calls to looking for my earrings I just saw to loosing my phone somewhere on the heap of clothing on my bed to spending – not kidding – 18 minutes looking for my keys in the high heeled boots. By the time I found them my feet were killing me because while the boots look hot, they weren’t made for walking – much. There were more little funnies which led to my finally getting to the cafe and my cappuccino, the perfect seat (after a one person musical chairs act to get my full feel right) and a moment to catch my breath but they are not things I want to admit. Really. The unzipped jeans was plenty…ok, the fake fur was plenty.

I wore this really cool white fake fur vest that I really love but the damn thing shed like an Australian Shepherd in August. I looked like I had rolled around with dogs all day at the Funny Farm and that made me self conscious more than the vest itself. I looked fashionable but felt not quite me because I don’t normally wear vests or fur, never-mind both combined. Yet, I loved the look but it was one of those fashionable outfits that everyone notices.

I had a 15 minute walk where all I could think was, wow, this is what it must feel like to be Lady Gaga, or a sheep dog with heeled boots and a purse, cause I got a lot of looks. It was part of the purpose as some of this experience directly fueled my word count success but I really didn’t expect to feel the various emotions which crossed from feeling like I was weird to amazing. It depended how well I balanced on the uneven pavement. The good here was that I:

1. Faced a fear which was wearing a fur vest and actually telling strangers about my zipper undone in the city
2. I used the emotions from the experience in real time and placed it into my character introduction, my deliberate intent
3. I kept a personal promise and goal (really, nothing beats that)

So, moving on… below are a few pics of my journey.

What I love about Wiesbaden is the fact that in the vicinity of one glance you can get the true feel of European architecture and and in my opinion, a bit of Americana as well. The cigarette machine reminds me of truck stop cafes on a desert road in the late afternoon sun, Marlboro man somewhere around with his blue jeans and white shirt, know what I mean? Hot sun. Desert. Blue jeans and …yeah, I went there when I sat alone writing. Of course I did.

Back to photos: To start, this is my super cool Ipad case and keyboard my husband gave me as a gift. I LOVE it for function and looks. And, I’m writing my entire novel on Evernote so anywhere I find time I can sit and have access to my latest version! Super cool. Highly recommend both.

Here’s a self portrait. You can see a little bit, I’m sure, the fur vest to which I referred above,right?

And here is clearly European architecture. In fact, its part of a wall from the Friedrich-Kaiser Therme Bad (bath), which I’ll discuss at a later time. That’s where all the naked people go.

And lastly, the scene I’d imagine from Lana Del Rey’s “Blue Jeans” song, or just Marlboro man. Thing is though, I gave up this scene a long time ago, especially the cigarettes. Best decision I ever made. I do have a soft spot, though, for those kind of men. It must be remnant of a song about the Marlboro man and his shiny gun. (remember that? I’ll look it up and come back to link it)

Day one was a success at 1646 word count. Day two I sit on my behind at home and write in my bathrobe and slippers. This way I can heal my feet from the boots that weren’t made for walking.

*published via Ipad app. Will come back with links & update this weekend from my desktop. So much easier.

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Writing: Inspirations about NaNoWriMo

So, it’s almost commitment time.

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) begins Thursday, Nov. 1. I’ve done absolutely nothing in preparation except focus on “I will” rather than “Can I?”.

Yes, so I’m excited about this for many reasons and the one I’ll share is that there’s a story which has been brewing in me for years… and I mean years, like, it’s time. It’s so high time to do this. I go to bed imagining my fingers typing and words flowing effortlessly (so beautiful when this happens, no?) and then I envision the delicious aroma of my cappuccino and tasting the froth with just a bit of a sprinkle of bad for you sugar (Totally not Paleo diet stuff but seriously, I’m trying to be a writer here. I gotta cut me some slack since I don’t smoke cigarettes anymore and don’t I drink and write – unless it’s coffee of course).

Oh the joys of cafes and coffee and writing! Of course, having focused on art since my arrival in Wiesbaden I’m feeling that nervous pull of yes with fear and curiosity at its side by reintroducing words back into my life. It’s like a new sex position! Hmm… really? Wanna try it *that* way instead?

I haven’t written fiction in years though so I’m rusty but there’s no intent on judging what comes out. NaNoWriMo sent a checklist of preparations which I will begin as soon as I’m done with this post and all I can say is I’m pretty confident in the word count deal. As far as like a good story and characters and kinda pulling off a good first draft… don’t care. The goal is 50,000 words and getting a story out of me that’s been following me for years. I consider this a metaphorical cleansing of soul.

I’ll check back Thursday to offer first words on the experience and I’ll Twitter randomly about it so please follow me if you’re not already.

The fun part of this experience is the plan, which day one includes dressing rather stylish with my high-heeled thigh boots on, Ipad with awesome case and detachable keyboard in hand (gift from hubby which I didn’t think I’d like but I LOVE IT) and walking to one of my fav cafes in Wiesbaden, order a cappuccino and write. I have every intent of looking like I know what I’m doing, AND I have my cover story which includes:

… Oh, working on a novel. I visited Wiesbaden one day, fell in love with the city’s architecture – fascinated, really – and a few years later life brought opportunity to live here so I took it. And now, now I’m writing the novel. (smile, sip coffee, wait for reply). Technically all this is true.

And so, to be a writer one must play the part, in which case, I suggest the attire and the cafe. Don’t however forget to write while looking and playing the part because to really be a writer, you must actually write.

Looking forward to the first day!

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