Archive for the ‘Diary’ Category
I’ve formally given my resignation. This decision has been in the making since January so please applause! It’s taken so long because I was put on several projects I wanted to faithfully complete. I never expected this experience to take 6 months.
I’ll be refocusing and digesting all that I learned at this job and there’s a lot of greatness that will come from it. I chose to cease writing a novel for NaNoWriMo in November when this opportunity came and questioned if I was doing the right thing but I followed my gut feeling even though blind. It was the best decision for extended growth and wow have my eyes opened to allow for that! I learned so much about the function of the military, as in the philosophy of propaganda, that I had to make a choice: shut up and stay or feel the breath of freedom and leave. Once the stress of military politics began to affect my health, the decision became easy.
I am deeply grateful to the men and women who chose to endure the ups and downs of military life. It’s a greater sacrifice than the average person will ever understand and to best express this point, the very people who fight for freedoms have the least freedom of their own. It’s an odd reality for my immigrant-to-American mind. I don’t want to be a part of a system which demands subordination and I don’t have to be. This is a great American freedom to not take for granted… And I don’t.
I look forward to blogging more frequently while connecting back to my audience and the domestic art of caring for my home, my kids and family, my soul and my creative inner artist. I have waaaay too many blank canvases in my studio and waaaay too many dust bunnies I haven’t gotten to clearing. I’m totally cool with going back to the apron and domesticity. It’s how you wear the apron that makes the difference… And, no one ever said I gotta be barefoot to do it ( I have to wear-in those new hot red Chie Mihara shoes sometime).
*shortlink for this post: http://wp.me/p3f9L-1JX
Posted in Creative Stuff, Diary, Feminism, Fun/Off Topic, INSPIRATIONS, Motherhood, Photography, Sexual Philosophy, Wiesbaden Life, tagged chie mihara shoes, red shoes, shoe designer on April 27, 2013 | Leave a Comment »
I got the red shoes. They’re not sparkly but I traded that in for red shoes so incredbly hot and sexy I can hardly figure out if I should keep them for bed only or actually take them out on the street!
I feel so incredibly fortunate to have a shop down the street which exclusively sells her shoes. I’ve been looking at these for at least a year trying to find reasoning to spend over $300 for a pair of shoes when I have three children at home who need shoes too. (They’re growing so damn fast!) But you know, as the years pass and I realize how much I’ve denied myself through time on oh so many shoe purchases (among other things), and all I’ve sacraficed in the name of good, committed parenting, I no longer think about my kiddies’ shoes. They’re old enough at this point to take care of them better. This is motherhood with an upgrade. So deserved.
Let me show you the gorgeousness I get to wear on my feet!
… my next dream pair of shoes would have to be by shoe designer Nina Divito. Her shoes are stunning in a completely different way; yet, that wonderful elegance is similar to Mihara’s shoes. But, I don’t want to get ahead of myself here! I’ve got decide just how (or where) I’m going to wear these first!
After over 7 years of promises, my husband and I took the kids to Legoland. The many intents of driving 3.5* hours to a theme park about legos just never made the cut. Sometimes it was money keeping us away (the trip cost us 500* euros for one family) and other times it was just the driving commitment. To avoid at least this driving issue, I signed us up for the USO sponsored bus trip so we can finally visit Legoland before we leave Europe without the hassle of driving back. I wasn’t going to fail the kids on this promise that we didn’t fulfill on the first abroad tour. No. Way.
Well, when the weather plummeted to the 40s with an even lower wind chill factor (fucking freezing) and rain for good measure after a week of spring coming into bloom, please imagine with me the incredible ass kicks I gave myself because being pre-paid, we couldn’t cancel! We had to go. We had to keep this promise. We had to go to Legoland in February-like weather and I don’t do well in cold, rainy and windy circumstances. It makes me a sourpuss so on top of all this, I had to find a way to just deal with the lemon circumstance in front of me because -argh – I had no control over the matter except cancelling.
Sometimes in my family promises are tough to keep no matter how well intended. With a family of 5, things happen; changes suddenly occur; energy levels on weekend by parents are low. This is where pre-payment and bus tours work well. We’re all in recovery mode now. The best part of any trip for me is looking at the photographs afterwards. In the quiet seclusion of my comfy, warm home, I can look back and see the fun I had and re-experience it in a new way.
Enjoy the photographs!
* plus or minus a few
I had a dream on several occasions the past week where a voice kept reminding me I had a blog to attend to. I hadn’t realized I’ve not written in a month! Okay. Okay. Hint taken.
I took some time out to heal soulfully and research intellectually while I built the courage to make that lifestyle and nutrition jump to paleo/primal eating I discussed in my previous blog post.
April 1st I ended up in the ER for abdominal pain. It turned out that the doctor believed I was having food sensitivities or allergies and recommended another doctor.
Courage and I joined in marriage right then and there: I’m committed.
I’ve experienced a dramatic improvement to my hypothyroid symptoms since I began to eat as paleo conscious as possible (April 1st- no fooling). My mood, energy level and appetite have improved. My fatigue and body aches have subsided and I feel mental clarity more each day.
I wouldn’t have fully believed it were it not for just trying it but eliminating all grains, legumes, 95% dairy and sugar (some things need more time to break from), nuts as I’m allergic to them now and all trans fats and veg oils has made me feel fantastic.
Now, spring has officially begun – birds are chirping, leaves unfolding, flowers blooming – and this could throw some question to the paleo claim but I’m convinced this way of eating is helping me. If I get better, then super! If I get worse, I’ll see a doctor. 18 days in and I’m better each day so only time will tell.
For now I’m still healing, researching, meditating, and now I’m spending time cooking again with a new passion for the kitchen and food. This has only upped my disposition and I can feel the warmth on my face for good things to come. I look forward to sharing them as they develop…
Posted in Diary, education, From the Kitchen, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Health/Fitness, Life Wisdom, Science, tagged Dr. Terry Wahls, gena lee nolin, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Paleo diet, thyroid, thyroid hormone replacement, transcendence on March 19, 2013 | 2 Comments »
We all have personal struggles and having been diagnosed with an auto-immune disease, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, is mine.
Where has the sexy gone?
The excerpt letter below my post describes well the “mind” of Hashimoto’s and came from a Facebook site called “Thyroid Sexy”. There’s really no more “sexy” in my life since this disease took over but I keep in mind it’s temporary – maybe (the sexy part, not the disease unfortunately). One never really knows how tomorrow will be, and that is specifically the part of life which makes it less and less attractive to engage in the world under these conditions.
There was a time I believed that if I could just get out of bed, force myself outside with my camera or stop putting myself down for being too lazy, too unmotivated, too weak (none of which I really am or exhibit realistically) maybe I could get through it because mind over matter, right? But when your mind is brain fogged there is no mind you can call your own. I’ve learned to forgive myself for days where I lack the vivaciousness which usually surrounds me because I still manage to do more than those who don’t have this disease and most days that alone allows for a more self-forgiving attitude, especially for going from being amazing to barely there.
Living diseased or go hardcore for hardcare?
I invite you to understand what it’s like to live with this disease. I’ve discussed it in the past on my blog (March 2012, July 2012 (humor), August 2012, Sept 2012, )but I like the “I am Hashimoto” letter below. I’d make my own version but Gena Lee Nolin did a good job so I pass on an excerpt of her words of Hashimoto truths.
After about 2-3 months feeling on the upside with stable thyroid hormone replacement medication and a great little part-time job, Hashimoto’s hit me hard a few weeks ago with massive anxiety and hypothyroid symptoms and this present fall brought me right back to more doctor visits and general life hating. Not good.
My one only option I can’t seem to find the ”JUMP!” attitude for committing fully to is plunging into a full dietary and lifestyle change (hard core Paleo) with the kind of focus and excitement one might expect to see in an individual taking their health to the next level, sans doctors!! BUT… hard core Paleo is hard core. Take a look.
Hardcore for me is a limited time experience, not a way of life. Get that?
Yet in the case of inspirations such as Dr. Terry Wahls, who has found a way to “cure” herself of stage 2 progresssive Multiple Sclerosis through eating ’hardcore’ bunny rabbit food and veggies aka primarily Paleo diet, I’ve personally been slammed with a non-drug choice. How does one NOT TRY?! That’s stupidity to have a choice that works for others in positive ways and not try it yourself. Pure stupidity…
There is a slew of info on the net about the benefits of strict dietary changes for Hashimoto patients and it’s hard to unlearn, hard to ignore, yet soooo hard to dive into fully. Thing about me is when I ’just do it’, I do it right and doing it right requires at this time a great deal of energy, commitment, support and planning, all of which I’m low on.
My endocrinologist sees no scientific research linking gluten to hypothyroid/ Hashimoto problems but my body doesn’t need special interest (pharmecutical) funding research to prove it to me. Upset stomach, extreme fatigue, massive mood swings, body aches, joint pain, headaches, brain fog and depression are the results of my research which includes injesting grains, primarily gluten-based ones. Every. Single. Time.
Finding strengh and motivation
True hope for recovery brings excitment, no? Somehow the true hope part eludes me. I feel like banging my head on the wall for sense to fall into action! In part it may be that I just don’t know what or who to believe anymore and self-trust gets eaten away as though it were the thyroid gland itself. With this disease your mind is a hostage not just your body.
So, I’m back to finding new coping strategies to heal my body while realizing rather painfully that just as importantly, I’ve got to find ways to heal my mind and soul. It’s very difficult, all of this. It’s absolutely the most challenging undertaking I’ve ever had, this Goddamnfuckingshit disease. Oh, sorry. I was trying to just making the cussing look like a long German word…maybe it needs an umlat somewhere.
I’m a pretty fearless human being but this disease minimizes my ability to face those fears. Personally, I feel like a huge failure until I remember the truly weak souls, the ones who brush off their struggles as “that’s just the way life is” mentality and then try to fit their misery into a box of mediocrity of self-victimization, ill-health and excuses for a life of struggle. No! No way is that approach healthy. No way is that appropriate for a spirit like mine.
“Bunny rabbit food, give me strengh!”
* I gave this post a day to “set” because I felt it sounded like a pity post. Perhaps it is. However, I chose to post it because Hashimoto’s and thyroid issues effects millions of unsuspected souls. The more you understand what it is, the more chance you have of giving support to others around you who need it or get help yourself if you qualify with symptoms.
Thanks for listening.
”I am Hashimoto’s” letter (full text)
“Hi. My name is Hashimoto’s. I’m an invisible autoimmune disease that attacks your thyroid gland …
I’m so sneaky–I don’t always show up in your blood work.
Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me.
I can attack you anywhere and any way I please.
I can cause severe pain or, if I’m in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.
Remember when you and energy ran around together and had fun?
I took energy from you, and gave you exhaustion. Try to have fun now.
I can take good sleep from you and in its place, give you brain fog and lack of concentration.
I can make you want to sleep 24/7, and I can also cause insomnia.
I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal.
I can also give you swollen hands and feet, swollen face and eyelids, swollen everything.
I can make you feel very anxious with panic attacks or very depressed. I can also cause other mental health problems. You know crazy mood swings? That’s me. Crying for no reason? Angry for no reason? That’s probably me too.
I can make your hair fall out, become dry and brittle, cause acne, cause dry skin, the sky is the limit with me.
I can make you gain weight and no matter what you eat or how much you exercise, I can keep that weight on you. I can also make you lose weight. I don’t discriminate.
You will be put on the wrong medication for you, pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given anti-anxiety pills and antidepressants.
You’ll be told to think positively, you’ll be poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken seriously when you try to explain to the endless number of doctors you’ve seen, just how debilitating I am and how ill and exhausted you really feel. In all probability you will get a referral from these ‘understanding’ (clueless) doctors, to see a psychiatrist.
Your family, friends and co-workers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and just how debilitating I can be.
Some will start talking behind your back, they’ll call you a hypochondriac, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially if you are in the middle of a conversation with a “normal” person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next.
They will not understand that having this disease impacts your body from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, and that every cell and every body system and organ requires the proper amount and the right kind of of (sic) thyroid hormone medication for YOU.
I am Hashimoto’s Disease.”
Here’s a great post from “Hypothyroid mom” about more details of Hashi’s if you’d like the information: http://hypothyroidmom.com/hashimotos-your-body-is-not-supposed-to-destroy-itself-right/
*a special thx to the women I linked to for their informative websites
… “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home”.
Now I need the red sparkly shoes and try it again.
Posted in Books & Reviews, Diary, education, Ethics/Morality, Feminism, Health/Fitness, In the News, Life Wisdom, Media & Sexuality, Politics, Published Works, Relationships, Sex Education, Sex in General, Sexual Philosophy, Wiesbaden Life, Writing on March 5, 2013 | Leave a Comment »
…if you’re going to spread the fruits of your genital love, be smart about it.
February 14th, 2013 one of the military publications I read, The Herald Union, printed a half page article on sexual responsiblity (page 15) and health through the use of condoms. I was floored! Like, holy cow wow, really? I’d never see this in the American South because of the region’s ultra conservative perspectives about sex. (and yet I’m moving back so go figure) I’m thrilled that the military took steps in educating (and/or reminding) soldiers about condoms. Sure, the men and women who serve our country probably already know about condoms but like good manners, a reminder doesn’t hurt. It’s just smart and why be anything less when you don’t have to be?
Below is a photo of the comment I made which made it into print! (page 2) I’m a bit ear to ear smiles on it and very grateful the editor choose to publish it along with an opposing comment. These two different perspectives on the same topic are as diverse as can be. Yet, I feel it’s important to stress that Planned Parenthood is not – and I repeat “is not”- an abortion clinic but a place women go to plan their parenthood options - opposed to just getting knocked up and claiming God wanted them to have babies. Pregnancy must be created more responsibly than that.
Planned parenthood also provides basic healthcare to women who cannot afford it. If they cannot afford to care for their own healthcare, how are they going to afford the cost of parenthood? Planned parenthood shouldn’t even be considered a “controversial organization” as healthcare for women shouldn’t sit on a controversial throne! Try the banks, Congress, auto industry, pharmecutical companies, and the producers of chemicals which go into our foods. Now those are are controversial organizations, not Planned Parenthood. Take a look at the extensive services PP offers, including a section on men’s sexual health. That’s excellent and deserves extra noting.
I, of course, did an oversell on the article’s positivity. This is because 1) I mean every word and 2) if you’re going to spread the fruits of your genital love, be smart about it. If you’re going to be chaste, keep the condom education out of your life but not out of the lives of men and women who serve our country in order that anyone may enjoy the freedom to state an uneducated opinion and create controversy where none logically need not be.
Be smart and use condoms. Be smarter and use other forms of birth control with it. Then have great sex and enjoy.
I’m dealing with serious homesickness. Bad. Huge. I want out of cold places, and not just for vacation time. I want to move, relocate, go back to the tropics and throw on a bikini, some coconut smelling oil on my skin and feel the hot sand between my toes and salty water on my face… and remember why life is more than this European adventure, office hours, working for money or dealing with petty crap that from larger persepctives gets lost in the view. I’m itching to get out of the gloom.
Anybody got a pair of wings? Airline tickets? I’ll take a hot air balloon!
Yeah, okay so you don’t have any of those things for me… so here’s a little relaxation, sun and music video Bora Bora style as this is what’s keeping me momentarily centered and maybe you’ll enjoy it too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8BqiEFz2pM
ALSO, here’s a video that’ll make you want to not only get out of the office but perhaps rethink the value of life. Take a trip into space and see our beautiful Earth the way astronauts (lucky) get to see. It’s truly marvelous and worth the 18 minutes. Very powerful, beautiful and inspiring: