Referring to South Carolina’s governer Mark Sanford:
Yet again the case of a woman’s blind love and a man’s biology. No offense to my male readers but I have yet to witness a man who hasn’t at some point played with infidelity. To be fair, it takes two to create that. To be realistic, a man’s love and a woman’s love may be the same in terms of actual feeling but different in terms of expression. The sooner women realize that happily ever after is an illusion the better prepared they’ll be for the reality of love relationships. There’s always an exception to the “rule”. Clearly though, those exceptions are rare.
Just as I empathized with Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Edwards’ embarrassment, I feel the same for Mrs. Sanford but simutaneously, I don’t think most married men cheat for cheating sake or because they don’t love their wives. It’s most likely because their sex life is unsatisfactory. Love and sex for men are two separate entities women group into one ball. Hence the continued female disappointment.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090625/ap_on_re_us/us_sc_governor_profile
Isn’t monogamy overrated? What I mean is sooner or later it seems that we all stray from it’s goals. It may not be entirely due to an unsatisfactory sex life at home. It might mean that we’re just not into our spouses. Or at least as much as we should be. If we want to keep things interesting,and honest between spouses,then he/she must start regarding each other as the best of friends. Isn’t the way one person and their best friend respect and treat one another,the missing ingredient in most marriages? As for Mark Sanford the conservative Gov. of South Carolina,and GOP hopeful for 2012, there was the added element of hypocracy involved. These &(^$#@#$ neo-cons bill themselves the bastion of standards in morality,then disappear for a few days to meet with a woman he has had a long term affair with,and at tax payers expense no less. Oh well,I suppose we should all be thrilled,he wasn’t toe tapping in an aeorport men’s room somewhere.
Yes, monogamy is overrated. Of course it is.
I’m curious though, how does a couple go from best friends and the love that bonds it to “just not into our spouses”? This isn’t an overnight thing.
Sure, I agree on the best friend factor but as a *romantic* best friend, it needs sex – specifically the bond sex brings. I know marital love changes over time, goes from passionate to mature but every marriage needs intimacy.
If marriage was based *only* on friendship, we’d not need the sex-love equation. Marital intimacy, bonding and companionship rely heavily on what goes on in that bedroom.
Not to get too personal but all this moving overseas stuff has definitely dwindled my bedroom action with my husband. It hasn’t altered the depth of love or friendship but the level of communication, the intimacy and the bonding that makes our love and friendship that much more grand has taken a beating.
I think what happens a lot is that when couples reach that point – and all do – rather than consciously finding time to reconnect, they get too busy, distracted, don’t talk, don’t touch and in time love is neglected with intent to respect it but funny how time just flys by.
What I believe most couples loose isn’t necessarily the sex but the erotic intimacy that drives the friendship further. Being the majority equate sex and the erotic as the same, it’s easier to just say sex. Really though, it’s eroticism, as I hope to illustrate the difference in my book.
A 20 year marriage, 4 kids, career, daily life challenges, etc., take their toll on the couple who don’t take time to respect Eros and each other.
On second thought, it’s not fully right to say monogamy is overrated. That’s relative. Monogamy is misunderstood and by that its overrated nature shows.
I know this needs more discussion. I gotta pick up my kids. But this is in part what my book gets into and it gets too complex for a few sentences of explanation. I’ll give it thought and see if I can come back and do it though.
I’m looking forward to this book! the ups and downs of relationships have always been fascinating to me and I think you may be on to something here…