To fully understand concepts I visualize them and use symbolism to remember them. Normally I talk my husband’s ear off in a stream of consciousness with a notepad by my side. I should just cut off my fingers and substitute them for pens with blood ink. This way I wouldn’t waste precious “Ah-ha! moments” looking for something to write with. I enjoy learning but I enjoy theorizing even more.
My 10 y/o daughter suffers from anxiety and currently, mild depression. We’ve got a lot of family changes going on right now and she doesn’t fare well with unknowns. As a result, her medium eczema so severe if it continues to worsen in the next few days I might have to take her to a hospital. I broke into a motherly lecture about facing oneself to deal with life and how that can heal us. Sometimes I wonder if kids have natural ear plugs that develop as soon as help from mom is offered; she didn’t seem to hear me.
Perceptions are built off the past, present and future; we focus on the past while living in the present and plan for a future. Our mental state is not only attached to the past but uses it as a means to an end. In philosophy “means to an end” is usually bad as it basically translates that one uses things or people to attain an end result. When we focus on the means, we consciously or unconsciously “use or abuse” people or things to get what we want which devalues the means themselves. If we concentrate on the end, the final goal, then the resulting good of that goal – the pleasure itself – becomes its own means to an end. It creates a higher value for the means because our fundamental pleasure seeking isn’t focused on how to attain but the pleasure which results from attainment. I believe that sparks inspiration and leads to a pathway towards happiness, keeping a more consistent state of happy mind.
Let the past go is not a new concept but often ignored and as long as our backs face the future, we don’t know what the future is until it becomes the present. To transcend and overcome our adversities we have to turn our backs toward the past. This perceptual shift creates amazing results via a clear headedness that brings with it a willingness to freely ebb and flow, to not attach to something that no longer exists. This also creates the kind of freedom I categorize as existential. It has no boundaries as it doesn’t depend on the past to progress it into the future.
Explain this to a 10 y/o. Explain the fact that until we let go of the past we’ve lived, which is “dead”, we are stuck in a residual result of that past and it simply blocks personal growth. How do we get unstuck though? Two important steps are self-forgiveness and self-love. If one can’t forgive him or herself for personal faults, disappointments, failures, etc., how can one truly do the same on to others? How can one really learn to love fully when one can’t fully love oneself? Few seem to understand that love stems from the self and projects itself outward and only then can forgiveness happen genuinely.
If I could teach that to my kid I believe I could help her with her skin condition because whenever she feels genuinely good from the inside her skin clears up without any medication or doctor help. When she is unhappy it manifests on her skin. Right now, as much as I love her, she looks like a monster: scabs and gooey open sores dot her body like the Constellations on a drape of scarlet, inflamed skin. She can’t even look at herself in the mirror but I keep telling her that unless she finds the courage to look herself in the eye, a self she can never run from and say “I love you” or “I forgive you”, mean it with genuine feeling, then she’ll only live in an illusion of pretend love and self honor. The eyes looking back at oneself in a mirror speak stories that only the self knows. They do not lie. Until one faces the “other reality” one can never move on. This isn’t easy stuff for an adult. How the heck to teach it to a kid?
I create tons of symbolic and creative ways to teach her what she needs in order to transcend herself but it does no good unless she does the work herself! I feel like a teacher who has an amazing student with immense potential and watching her waste it. Motherhood is frustrating. Philosophy is my only escape to deal with it.
I have no where else to go sometimes than the depths of my mind where a cauldron of ideas mix and somehow form into logical theories. Then I test them out. If they work for me, they can work for my daughter. The problem is that a lot of these tests require self trust, courage and willingness to face failure and the emotional baggage that comes with every journey. Most people, much less kids, don’t trust their own abilities and thoughts. She can only help herself when she’s ready to take on the challenge.
In the meantime I sit and wait for something to snap her in a positive direction but it’s such a hurtful place to sit as I witness the angel falling when I know she can fly. If I give up on her I’ve failed not only as a mother but as a being of this world and my relationship to the other. Challenges force us to grow; conscious choice of doubt or “deafness” to another’s knowledge allows us to crumble. But putting theories and wisdom aside, more than anything else I want to see her happy because when she is, she is beautiful inside and out and I just miss her songs and cheery spirit dancing through the house.
